An Approaching End ...

There's a saying, "when you're at the end, you start thinking about the beginning."

I love this saying, because for me, it is true. There is a suspicion in my heart that the end has drawn so near, I can hear it's feet walking up my doorstep.
When the news bearer knocks ... I'm not sure I can will myself to answer the door. The information is probably something I do not want to hear.

But, what choice do I have?
I can control only what I can control as a friend so calmly reminds me. But, in situations like these, the ones where you feel your worst fears rising, you want to control everything to avoid the pain and perhaps, the actual truth.

Instead, I've been occupying myself by thinking about the beginning because when the beginning of something is so good, it's hard to imagine the end until it's already on it's final approach and air traffic control is signaling the landing zone. And, if the beginning was so good, why does it have to end? What happened and where did you fail?

All questions I'm not sure I'll ever have the answers to, except to say, perhaps, it's just not meant to be. Perhaps, it was a close fit, just not a perfect one. And, the better explanation, perhaps it's not for me. The worst realization, even if you could live with the circumstances not being "perfect," perhaps it's me who wasn't the right fit.